I'm in a really shitty mood right now. I'm sick of feeling like I'm the only one in this relationship who has passion. He doesn't seem to love me as much as I love him. Sometimes I feel like he loves me, but isn't in love with me. On top of this, I don't seem to get along with anyone else in his life. I've met his family and the majority of his friends, and I feel like they're just as indifferent to me as he is. As in, if we were to break up, they wouldn't really care.

It just hurts because in one of my previous relationships (the one that lasted the longest), I felt like I was a member of his family. All of our friends were mutual friends. His mom and dad loved me, and so did his little sister. It felt so right. But whenever I'm around my current boyfriend's family, it's just sort of awkward. Meaningless small talk. Oh, and I can't even crack jokes about his family, or he gets really quiet and won't talk to me. It's really stupid. On our six-month anniversary, he went on a vacation with his mom and his sister... So it definitely seems like he cares way more about his family than he does about me.

Earlier today on Facebook, I was pretty upset about this, so I made a status update... I didn't even go into specifics. It was just a metaphor for how I was feeling. So in reply, my mom goes, "Move back in with us, I promise it won't be as bad as it was before. You'll save on gas money!" (My college is right down the street from where my parents live.) I couldn't believe she had the nerve to publicly state that on my Facebook, so now all of my friends knew that my mom wanted me to move back home. I deleted her. And the status update.

To be honest, I feel like I'm all alone in this world right now. With nobody to talk to. I don't really have friends anymore because I've distanced myself from them. I can't exactly talk to my boyfriend about everything that's on my mind, because usually he's the one on my mind in the first place. Like right now.

Oh, another thing that bothers me... He really wants me to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with his family instead of mine. As if his family is more important than mine, or something, because he sure as hell won't celebrate holidays with my family. Maybe his last girlfriend did stuff like that with him, but not me. I should just break up with him a week before Thanksgiving so I don't have to bother with that upcoming conversation. It's not that I don't like his family, it's just that we're all strangers to each other. I have nothing in common with his family. I'm young. His parents are very, very old. Older than my parents. Old enough to be my grandparents. There's nothing we have to talk about. The thing is, even when I met his sister, who is only three years older than me... We had nothing to talk about. I can't just be myself and say whatever the fuck I want around them. They wouldn't understand. And I've already alienated a few of my boyfriend's friends because of being myself.

I thought this whole thing was fate, but if it was, wouldn't I get along better with his family and friends? And wouldn't we maybe have more in common? God, this is turning into my relationship with Brian all over again. Well, not exactly. I hated Brian. I love Will.

I think I'm even starting to make myself sick with all of this. I wish there was some reason behind why I'm feeling this way, but I haven't had a period in over two years. So I have no excuse. I'm not even an emotional person. Ever.

Whenever I pour my heart out, it's always for a guy who doesn't feel the same way. That's how it always works. My first serious boyfriend, Jake, the one who I had the longest relationship with... We had almost everything in common, and I loved him so much, but he would always break up with me because he would get crushes on other girls (whom he thought he had a chance with). Then, my last boyfriend, Ben... He was just a prick. I thought I was head-over-heels in love with him, and he cheated on me every chance he got. It took me FOREVER to get over him. I swore I would never go out with anyone again after him, at least not until I finished college. But then Will had to move back...

Why can't Will just be as passionate as I want him to be? Why can't he put me first? Because I decided to fall for a guy with a life, that's why. So what now? Do I just break up with him and move back in with my parents, just because I'm pretty sure this isn't going to work out in the long run and I don't want to waste my time?

I don't know. Everyone is going to tell me that I need to talk to him and tell him what's wrong. But he wouldn't understand, and even if he did, there's nothing he can do. You can't just force someone to be passionate. I'm doomed.